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Survivor
Though tempted, I'll take no credit for the ignominious (but OH so satisfying) departure of Colton Crumbie from Survivor: One World right after my last Survivor post. All the credit for that goes to Madame Karma! For that vicious, spoiled, arrogant brat to be taken off for medical reasons right after openly rooting to Christina to get injured and be carted off was the most delicious serving of karma I've witnessed in some time. Special Bonus: Colton's top ally, the equally vicious and whiny Alicia, complains that Colton chose to keep his Immunity Idol as a souvenir instead of giving it to her. Hey, Colton's whole game was all about "ME! ME! ME!" so why should Alicia be surprised that he was consistently selfish right to the end? My Shadowrun karma pool just refreshed! Yes!

Now let's jump to the current proceedings. Colton’s crumble (you see what I did there?) precipitated a slightly premature merge of the two tribes. But which alliances would hold together: the original gender-based ones or the post-swap ones? Kim, who is by far the smartest player this season (granted, the bar is LOW), successfully and stealthily keeps both options open at first. She wants to see which way the wind was blowing. Unfortunately for the men, the wind is blowing right past Tarzan's poop-stained blue Speedo. It’s evident that the men are still a disjointed, easily manipulated mess. Remember, these are the same people who unanimously voted to throw away their Tribal Immunity and their numbers advantage.

On Survivor: One World, Kim is the quadruped in a three-legged raceSo Kim bluntly lies to Troyzan, who is the closest we have to a thinker among the men, which is akin to calling an earthworm a speed demon among rocks. She tells him that Mike is planning to vote him out. Troyzan doesn't like that! But does he confront Mike, even after Jay worries that the women might be pulling a scam? Nooooo! Result: Bye-bye, Mike! You were another boring player with no sense of strategy.

That brings us to last week's ep, where the roles have flipped: It's now Troyzan who wonders if the gals are ganging up on them, while male model Jay preaches the "It's all hunky dory, man" mantra. Even Tarzan tells Troyzan he believes that the women are planning to eliminate them. Well, Tarzan should know, since he consistently votes to eliminate the men! (Tangent: Next to Colton’s wonderful appendix-exit, my favorite moment of the season involves Tarzan, who - like "special agent" Philip Sheppard last year - raises lack of self-awareness to an art form. Dismissing the idea that Chelsea or anyone could dislike him because of his surliness, unreliability, or potent ass-stink, plastic surgeon Tarzan tells Chelsea he realizes she dislikes him because – obviously – she must hate the work that her own plastic surgeon did. On her breasts. High comedy!)

Jay continues to believe that his post-swap alliance with Kim and Chelsea is intact, despite all the women's body language to the contrary. Meanwhile, Kim quietly targets Troyzan, identifying him as the one pineapple among the coconuts. Next, she lies bluntly to Jay's face, vowing that they're tight. She's good. Chelsea, who had been hoping to keep Jay in her warm alliance (nudge nudge wink wink), stands there and nods – and then tries to convince herself on camera that by staying silent, she didn't really betray Jay. Uh huh. Good luck with that.

Kim is so convincing that when Troyzan foolishly tells Jay that he's going to vote for Kim and play his hidden Immunity Idol, Jay immediately warns Kim because he doesn't want to risk seeing his "ally" get voted off because of Troyzan's paranoia. Ay yi yi! Commence the frantic pre-Tribal Council scramble for votes! The end result: Troyzan played his Idol, but the ladies – and friggin' Tarzan! – cleverly voted for Jay instead! So one more guy is gone, and Troyzan's Idol is flushed out. Win-Win, ladies!

So what's left for tonight and the following episodes? The ladies are clearly in control. Wait, I'll revise that: Kim is in control, followed in descending order by Chelsea, Sabrina, Kat, and Alicia. Christina is in the mix, too, but like Leif and Tarzan, she has not made one strategic move so far. Like Jonas, she's a bystander, which raises the question: What are you mooks doing on Survivor? Don't you watch the show?

Troyzan is the only person right now with enough smarts to challenge Kim, but it seems too late to make a move. Who could he pick up? Leif, Tarzan, and Christina? That's still only four to Kim's five – and that's assuming Tarzan remembers who to vote for. With that, I predict a Final Five of Kim, Chelsea, Sabrina, Kat, and Alicia, with Alicia going out should Christina win that day's Immunity Challenge. And if I'm Kim, I'd want to bring Kat and Alicia/Christina with me to the Final Three so I'd get the most Jury votes. She might not get Chelsea's and Sabrina's votes – or Jay's – but to the rest, she'll probably succeed in making the case that she used smarts and charisma to get to the top.

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