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Wait a second, I just realized we’ve seen the most unbelievable thing in “24” history. OK, we’ve had passenger planes making emergency landings on LA highways, we’ve seen Jack go completely across Manhattan in less than 10 minutes – in daylight – but now we’ve gotten through the 3:00 hour in England and nobody broke for tea? DAMN. I’ve been to England. Things stopat tea time. Even babies aren’t born then. Or if they are, they’re served with scones.

As always, SPOILERS ABOUND:

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  • In the wake of the Drone Death Trap, British PM Stephen Fry demands that Prez Heller give him all the drones’ codes and his guarantee that U.S. television will stop making inferior versions of British TV shows.

  • Later, upon hearing of the Prez’s Alzheimer’s condition, the Brit PM says, “You mean I'm counting on a man who hasn't gotten his wits about him?! God help us. We could soon end up with an American version of the superb ‘Broadchurch’!” Yeah, sorry about that.

  • The Prez orders Injured-But-Not-Dead-Yet Weasel Boy Navarro to give Jack everything he needs for Operation Plot Complication: “Whatever Jacky wants / Jacky gets / And little man, little Jacky wants Kate!”

  • What, nobody knows musicals?

  • These drones were flying over Afghanistan or other dangerous areas, right? And now they're over England and will zoom around quietly for another three hours until the deadline, right? That’s about 3,500 miles. And they're still in the air. What do these aircraft use for fuel? Pixie dust?

  • Over at the House of Nine Fingers, Mummy discovers that, uh oh, Navid’s sister left voicemail on his phone! Apparently she wasn't dissuaded by his answering message: “Hi, this is Navid. I can't come to the phone right now because I've been shot in the head by my mother-in-law. Please sell my story to Jerry Springer. Or if you wait for the beep and leave a message, my lovely wife will come over and kill you. Thanks!”

  • Chief of Staff Mark Angryglare has to back away from his awkward questioning of his own wife (“Why, Audrey, why did you do that show ‘Lipstick Jungle’ after ‘24’? Didn’t anyone realize that a PG version of Sex and the City would bomb?!”) in order to take a call from the Russian Embassy. They want to know when they can use their Pick Up Jack Bauer groupon! D’oh! Mark tries a tricky phone dance to avoid saying that he forged the Prez’s signature on the extradition order. The Russian Guy is not fooled: “No, Comrade Angryglare, I do not believe that your dog ate the President’s extradition order.”

  • Jack tells Kate, “Well, YES, I was working for evil arms dealer Rask, but only so that I could stop his human trafficking, drug dealing, and texting while driving. I had to do it!”

  • Over at CTU, uh, the CIA London office, Jordan the data nerd tells Weasel Boy Navarro, “I've spotted weird plot holes in this meaningless data about Kate’s traitorous ex-husband. What do you think?” Weasel Boy: “Um, ignore it, I'm sure there’s nothing suspicious at all about it. Excuse me, I have to use the Mole bathroom.” I told you there was a Mole bathroom!

  • Jack’s brilliant plan to drug Kate and leave her to the tender mercies of the Rask Goon Squad ends up – shockingly – not going according to plan! Kate wakes up and gets strung up in a very uncomfortable position where she is tortured by this guy.

  • Freaky weird voice he had. Like a cross between Michael Fassbender and Tattoo.

  • Anyway, all is saved by the untimely arrival of the Brits’ MI:5 team that’s been tailing Jack. God save the Queen! OH WAIT, they nearly all got killed. Bugger.

  • Kate leg-strangles and stabs Evil Toddler Gangster while she’s still chained to the ceiling. SHE-JACK!

  • Simone, under orders by Mummy to kill Navid’s sister, decides not to do it, but then she does it kinda-sorta-accidentally right in front of – bonus points – the woman’s daughter. Congratulations, kid, your parent has just been murdered before your eyes. Go get yourself a Batcave! Auntie Simone will help you, right after she catches this bus!

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