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Not much plot in this one, but LOTS of wild movement. Strap yourself in and make sure your local hospital has updated its Drone Evacuation Protocols. You never know!

As always, SPOILERS ABOUND:

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  • Those ambulances got there fast! Wow, nationalized healthcare DOES work!

  • Kate cleans up well, post-torture. SHE-JACK!

  • The Prez tells Jack by phone he’ll make sure that Simone is protected in the hospital. Rather cocky claim, dude, considering that it’s not your country!

  • After Mummy learns that Simone is going to the hospital, she asks her son, “Do we have anyone so bloody incompetent and stupid that we left him behind in the city we’re planning to blow up in two hours?” Ian says, “Yes, Mummy... there’s Kareem! He’s an complete wanker!” “SEND HIM.”

  • Jordan, the gender-bended Chloe of the CIA, goes against Weasel Boy/Moley Mole Navarro’s instructions and starts retrieving the plot complication. Navarro gets tipped to this by his mysterious boss – who is Adrian Cross! Adrian says Jordan must be stopped, or Navarro’s meticulous frame job of Kate’s ex-husband will be exposed. Navarro tries to weasel out of doing bad stuff himself, because that’s his way: “Can you send a cleaner?” Adrian: “I’m just the middleman.” Navarro: “No, seriously... can you send a cleaner? This place is a mess. Do you know how much Windex we use on these walls every day?”

  • While Jack strongarms the doctor into reviving Simone, Kate talks to the newly orphaned child (and future Batgirl), Jasmine, who speaks up pretty easily for someone who’s “in shock.” And hey, wasn’t that guy who was with her earlier supposed to be her dad? Where is he now? Did he have too many lines of dialogue? That cuts into the budget, you know.

  • Kate, who is probably only 30 feet from Jack, nevertheless calls him and tells him everything Jasmine said, which is really just a lame excuse so that Wanker Kareem can overhear the whole thing. He repeats the news of Simone’s almost-betrayal to Mummy, who angrily tells Ian, “Drone her! Drone her now!”

  • I’m going to recommend that option for all family squabbles. “Mike didn’t call on your birthday.” “Drone him.”

  • Navarro summons Jordan to go outside (!) and retrieve a secret package. Jordan says, “You’re sending me into the field? I’m as happy as a little girl!” Navarro: “You deserve it. Now go pick up the package. It’s on a ship called Imminent Betrayal.” “Got it!”

  • Jack interrogates Simone and puts pressure on the amputated pinky! Jack meets Kate in the hallway and ... apologizes for doing that?! WHAAAT?! Jack Bauer might apologize for being a lousy father, but apologize for squeezing the raw finger-stump of a critically injured woman? Never!

  • Kareem is spotted by Jack and shot by the Brits. “DAMMIT!” He and Kate find his phone, which has a text message from Mummy. “Drone is on the way. You have 8 minutes. Actually, you only have 5 minutes because Ian tells me you’re a complete wanker.”

  • Evacuate the hospital! Jack grabs Simone and flees with Kate just as the first drone missile strikes the hospital!

  • Now we get into a honestly damn cool sequence that plays out like something from the Bourne movies, as Ian and Mummy track Jack’s speeding car on the drone’s camera and try to blow him up with more missiles! It’s insane, tense, ridiculous, and awesome.

  • Jordan steps onboard the Imminent Betrayal and is promptly shot. I didn’t see THAT coming! Fortunately, the boat is moored to the Pier of Convenient Escape.

  • Chief of Staff Angryglare secretly meets the Russian Mustache, who knows the truth about the extradition order. Angryglare tells Mustache, “Once Bauer serves his purpose, everyone gets what they want.” A new car?

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