Hey, this was the 200th episode of "24." Wow. That's a big number! You should commemorate it with something huge, something spectacular, like Weasel Boy Navarro pulling off his face, Mission Impossible style, to reveal... Tony Almaeda! C'mon, that'd be cool! I mean, it's not like "24" would rely on something it's done before, right, like ... um, I dunno... kill a President or something. They've soooooo done THAT!
As always, SPOILERS ABOUND:
As always, SPOILERS ABOUND:
- Simone is wheeled into the crack CIA medical bay. I don't want to say her chances of survival are slim, but the vitals monitor is showing last night's Game of Thrones.
- Weasel Boy Navarro tells the doctor, "Drill a hole in her head, then wake her up!" Who's his medical advisor, Sarah Palin?
- As the remaining members of the Murder Family depart the House of Nine Fingers, Mummy tells Ian that she'll honor her word to Prez Heller and destroy the remaining drones once Heller is dead. "I may be a psychotic, cold, seriously deranged sociopath and terrorist, but I keep my word!" So, she's not ALL bad.
- Setting the 60-minute timer to Ian's betrayal of Mummy ... now.
- Kate briefs Jack by phone on the situation with Simone. She says the doctor won't risk reviving Simone. Jack: "We're running out of time! Kate, you need to PUSH the doctor. Nudge nudge be like me wink wink. Embrace the Dark Side. It IS your destiny!"
- Jordan staggers away from the confused Would-Be Assassin Dude, pausing just long enough to glance at the audience and say, "Hey, notice how I look just like Orlando Bloom when I'm wet?"
- Prez Heller tells Jack about his decision to surrender himself to Mummy. Jack is unable to dissuade the Prez, despite a devastating volley of Furious Blinking.
- Jack says, "Mr. President, in order for me to sneak you out of the building, you need to trust one more person, for plot reasons." Gee, wonder if he'll pick Mark?
- Regarding Simone, Jack again tells Kate, "You need to PUSH the doctor. Wake that beyotch up, girlfriend!" So Kate marches into the operating room and pulls a gun on the surgeon. SHE-JACK!
- Cut to the scene at the Hart Household. Judy: "What's with the 'waking stuff up' nonsense?! How can they do that?" Me: "Come on, they have SUPER drugs!" Judy: "Oh puhleeze. Have they drilled a hole in her brain yet?"
- Jack tells Angryglare what he needs to successfully sneak out Heller: "I need the Secret Service assignments and patrols. The British ones, too. Also, a car and a helicopter standing by. And two tickets for a Jamaican cruise for me and Audrey when this is all over." Mark: "Uh huh, uh huh, wait... what?" Jack: "Don't question me, dammit! You heard the President!"
- Jack then cuts a freakin' transponder out of Heller's arm - a crazy act that hasn't been on TV since Kirk and Spock got busy on the Nazi Planet. Hide the children.
- Jack severs a couple of arteries and leaves blood gushing all over Heller's desk, but no need for alarm! He's got a Band-Aid.
- A Band-Aid.
- Well, Heller is going to be dead in ten minutes anyway. What's a little blood loss?
- Jack lands the Presidential Helicopter of Secrecy at an eerily empty Wembley Stadium. There were supposed to be people in it, but the helicopter scene used up this week's budget for extras.
- Chloe quickly works through the encoded gobblegook while dodging drunk guys at a bar. Jack tries to stall, but it's the President who says, "Jack, we're out of time." What?!
- Heller pays the ultimate price for stealing Jack's line on Kiefer Sutherland's show.
- Still, he blowed up real good! What's the head count for Presidents failing to finish out their term on "24"? Five?